I'm feeling sad! There, I said it out loud.
It's been a pretty dismal 24 hours, or should I say 6 days which culminated this morning in a migraine upon awakening (never a good sign) and a desire to remain curled in a fetal position.
Ya'll with very young kids or teens still in the nest can relate to the eventual feeling of abandonment when said offspring leave home.
It's hard to put into words. Or maybe it's not hard at all.
Maybe all I need to say is "I don't feel needed anymore."
That makes for a very empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and on the back burners of my mind.
Oh yeah! I could complain about the Teen's indolence, yes. His inability to follow through on various household tasks. Yes. Can I actually type the word "lazy"? There, I just did it. Kid was a lazy slug most times, spoiled by a mother who thought she always had to do for him because of her own flaws.
But for all that, I miss the dude. Hugely. More than I'll ever even admit in detail here. It makes me wonder why I bother doing anything, really. Not that being a mom really made my life complete, but shit, slice off an arm or a leg and see how it feels.
I didn't imagine how this same situation might have been for the other moms I've known in my life. And for not knowing and therefore, not fully appreciating, I apologize now to all the meres poules who went through this alone.
I am not much of a drama queen, but hoo-boy, this is a tough spell.
I would like to thank the men and women bloggy friends and family who've had enough heart to send me their messages which made me get all soggy but still... made me feel like I'm not alone. Thanks youse guys!
10 Comment:
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. When I think of my daughter, the last one still at home, leaving, I panic. I don't know what I'll do. I sure can empathize with you. I think it's a rite of passage; something us mothers have to go through before arriving at that truly independent state where we can finally say, "I am so glad my kids are all grown up!". I remember my Mom telling me that when I moved out (I was the last to leave home), she cried and cried every night when she got home from work. You get past it, though, and begin to reacquaint yourself with you, and begin to discover the person you want to become now that you finally can. (then when he's really grown up and has kids of his own, you get to spoil them rotten and send 'em home! it's great!)
This too shall pass. ((((hugggs))))
You made me cry immediately, of course. Thanks for the comfort, Leigh.
I hide so much of what I feel in my life, but I had to let this out even in the most minimal fashion, because I guess it seems somehow innocuous in the scheme of things but important in my life, blah blah blah.
I know it is hard. All ours left a while ago and I still have times when I really miss them. It is a real wrenching almost another birthing the separation from the mother. Right and proper of course and would be a bad thing if it didn't happen for us and them. I am getting all teary eyed because I do know how you feel.
Also don't think you are forgotten or not loved when they fail to call you, they have so much to do and places to go and they just forget time, its not you.
Thinking of you.
Bless you, Vic. Isn't it amazing how my blog friends run to my rescue?
I really appreciate your message.
I can't say I know how you're feeling as it hasn't happened to me yet,(and I'm not a mother as well,) but I know you're hurting and I can understand that. He DOES still need you, even though he doesn't live with you. I imagine he's having similar, unexpected feelings, being away from you. Hang in there- once you become accustomed to his new living arrangements, I'm sure you won't still feel the same as you do now.
My youngest stepdaughter just turned 7. That was nearly as difficult for me as my 30th birthday (which was traumatic). I actually told her about a week before her birthday that while she was allowed a party, she wasn't allowed to be older than six.
She, of course, put her little hands on her hips, looked up at me and told me, "That's not how it works, knucklehead."
They do have a way of brightening one's life, don't they? :)
Find comfort in knowing you're not alone.
Upside? You have a boy. Chances are, he might find a girl, settle down and then they will have babies. BABIES THAT YOU WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH 24/7! BABIES YOU CAN SPOIL!
It's the light at the end of the tunnel.
How do you do that thing where you hold your emotions back? I have no such mechanism.
I TOLD you what a good mother you were. I don't know what "empty house" feels like in the standard sense. But I still empathize.
I will just say this (and pardon all the extra hormones being pumped into me if this is inappropriate). You had and raised a beautiful child. You should be proud, and there's nothing wrong with being a tad bereft. So says I. And as a person who is finding that it's less and less likely that they will ever have a child (well, at least "from their very loins" or however the hell one wants to put it - no doubt not "from their very loins) I say live the moment.
I'm feeling very sorry for myself; I am sad, and this is not even about REAL, LIVE CHILDREN.
Grieve, rejoice, be angry, be delighted - you deserve all the parenting joys and concerns (says the person who knows nothing about it personally therefore is somehow objective).
You know I love you,
Crazy, CRAZY Kate of Le monde de fromage de Kate
Oh ho - you are far from being alone in feeling like this, Kiddo! I've been down that road three times - actually more than that because each kid moved out, moved back home, moved out again etc., a couple of times -but I just mean I've been there with three different kids. Now, I have one who is back home and brought HER family with her -which for my money, is fantastic. It's stressful at times for both of us, but overall, it is such a blessing too. I've been alone in this house for periods of time -yes -and I must say, I don't really enjoy that much "independence" as I'd rather have others around me. It's a difficult thing to find your own space in that respect sometimes. Like grieving, it is a different time span for each person though and you learn to accept I guess or appreciate - not sure which comes first there.
((((huggg))))
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