Slow but steady

Lots of stuff has been going on, boy oh boy. Most of it relating simply to learning how to live. I did the big cleanup which we call a "moral inventory" last weekend and shed the worst of the past. That in itself is... the experience of a lifetime. There is an acceptance of all that came before and, while not shutting the door on it, let me tell you none of it hurts anymore. And that is a big load off.

After that, Teitei disappeared on Tuesday morning and I was left holding the bag (bottles, actually) with the six babies. So I've been feeding them by hand. It's manageable, once you realize that they won't starve to death under your watch, but it's a burden. On the other hand, they sleep right through the night! I kept looking for mommy, but there was no sign until today...

This babysitting duty makes it impossible to have long-term plans (anything longer than 6 hours), but the local no-kill shelter says I have a better chance of being allowed to drop them off there when they are six weeks old and eating on their own. It involves a donation of money on my part, and that's alright.

Meanwhile, as some Facebookers know, Teitei was euthanized this morning when she turned up with a broken back and paralyzed hindquarters. I wrapped her up, put her in the carrier, and took a cab to the vet. It wasn't a tough call, morally, but it was hard emotionally. They gave her two tranquilizers first and the ultimate needle worked within seconds. I had about 20 minutes between the two phases to sit with her. (Bawling my eyes out, whaddya think?)

I don't know how far she had to crawl to make it back here. I heard her meow under my living room window, saw the horribly splayed back legs, and ran down. Her knees had been scraped to the bone.

The lesson learned -- at long last -- is that feeding strays in winter, even when you feel desperately sorry for them, allows them to procreate and if you aren't ready to assume the responsibilities and costs down the line, you must look the other way and let nature take its course.

Subsequent to doing my moral housecleaning, I began to tackle two other parts of my life which I had put on hold - financial (accounting) and medical. Now that the ball is rolling again in those areas, there is also a sense of relief. Procrastination, at which I excel, is being actively worked on.

Lastly, there is one habit I retain: that of forming quick resentments. A current one involves my back porch. My neighbour (EM) and I share it, and he hooked up a system of laundry lines which can be set up and disassembled when need be. Problem is, he lets other neighbours hang their wash on the line, and I am tired of seeing other folks' sheets, towels, underwear and socks hanging on my side -- in my face, as it were. When it's sunny, they block my sun and frankly, it's also unsightly. One neighbour even moves any stuff I might have on my part of the balcony to that she can hang her clothes!

For my own esthetic enjoyment and also to curtail their encroachment on and lack of respect for my space, I am about to buy planters and flowers to hang on the railing. I called Emphysema Man this morning to warn him of impending changes and restrictions. I hope there will not be any need for confrontations with the other ladies. Otherwise they might find their clean panties languishing on the dirty ground one storey down.

Just sayin'. Sometimes the wind can be fierce.