I am feeling out of sorts without a clear idea why. Somewhat bored, I think; routine getting to me again. Dangerous, that.
Last Thursday's craving was no flash in the pan, either. It hit me hard on Friday morning and lasted until mid-afternoon. Getting through it took some effort, but I managed with abundant help from friends. The responsibility not only to myself but to my son and to the weekly duties I've taken on at various places is also keeping me on the straight path, but even that feels tenuous. And yet just visualizing my poison makes me feel somewhat ill. I cannot, must not, jeopardize my progress but that damned disease is so insidious!
I need to write a letter of farewell to my addiction, then burn it. I was told that helps. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
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8 Comment:
I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. :)
My younger daughter did something like that -wrote a letter to her dad, after he had quit drinking, telling him all the things he had done -or not done -and how they had affected her growing up. She didn't burn it though. She mailed it to him. I was worried at first that she may have been too harsh, might have really upset him, etc. and their relationship at the time was just sort of starting out (or restarting, you could say) and I was concerned he might be ticked and stop communicating with her. But fortunately, after about a 2-month or so break there, he did "restart" things and today, 15 years after the fact, they have a very close relationship, albeit it also long distance with her here in PA and him in Nevada, but it works for them and that letter, I think must have worked for both of them as well.
I think it kind of clears the air, your mind a bit too, by doing something like that. Supposed to be very cathartic.
Might be worth a try. If it works, maybe I should give it a shot and say "bye bye" to my lovely nicotine. Think it would help with that?
I was talking to a friend the other day about just that. A few weeks ago cravings had me by the short and curlies. Deep breathing and remembering why I stopped seemed to help. The thought of how close I came to losing it and throwing the last year of sobriety away made/makes me sick to my stomach. Hang in there.
I wrote an eff-off letter to mine...eff-off for screwing up and over this, that, and the other. I kept it and will read it to remind myself of all the things my addiction took from me or damaged and how hard I've had to work to get them back or repair them.
I can't imagine how difficult this is. I don't have much will power at all. Sounds as if you have your focus right on. Will be thinking of you.
The sucky part is that the addict will forever live within us. Keep on keepin on girl.
You three gave me such comfort -- thank you!
Jeni: The AA 12 steps have been emulated by many other "quit" programs such as NA, CA, GA and OA (to name the few I know of). For me, working on the first three has been instrumental so far. You could use the same steps to quit smoking - something I hope to do in the not too distant future.
Aza: I think there are merits to keeping a fuck-off letter and to burning a copy. No reminder of living hell is too small if it can help us not return to the awful past. I am proud of YOU for your year :-)
Vic: No amount of personal willpower helped. I am not preaching, but it's really the Steps and the concepts therein (higher power able to restore us to sanity) that are working for me.
Oops! Dear Aine: thank you!!!!
OK, I am a little behind in my blog reading, but for what it's worth I too am very proud of you!
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