And now there is a reason

Yesterday I had no excuse, but today I could choose to drink out of anger, frustration, sadness, fear... but I don't think I will.

Not only would it not do me any good, it would not change the situation, make anyone else better or be helpful at a time when I need to be a good and strong sister and daughter.

Yesterday I thought I was bored. A friend told me it was merely a calm period, and why not enjoy it? She was right. It was a relative calm.

We are unaccustomed to tranquility. Our lives have been characterized by severe emotions of guilt, remorse, terror and anxiety. We sought to suppress those feelings, to drown them. Every day was a tug of war, a rollercoaster with more downs than ups. We strove hard to attain the ups, the elation we'd once felt, but they became harder to reach, and then impossible.

"We drank to see what it was like,
Then we drank because we knew what it was like,
Then we drank because we needed it,
Then we drank to survive
And it damned near killed us."

That pretty much sums it all up.

All healing prayers welcome... not for me, but for someone near and dear.